30 Apr Mindful. Present. Aware.
several years ago my sweetheart and I went through the first really big challenge to our relationship. The thing that threatened to end our story. Permanently.
it was a Monday.
Open Heart Surgery.
and he almost died.
it’s a story I’m not ready to write about yet. but I will.
there are several moments of my life I can recall in surprising detail. the birth of my first son. the birth of my second son. and other smatterings of both important and unimportant events.
some things just stand out.
of the weeks surrounding his surgery, both the before and the after, I am surprisingly aware.
like a tattoo…etched with needle-like precision…some things are permanently drawn on the skin of memory.
these days… holding my sweet boy, inching toward his first birthday, and the constant reminder that time is a swift traveller, I am acutely aware of my moments.
there are, of course, big moments. milestone moments. it’s utterly incredible, and more than a bit comical, how excited two grown adults can be over a tiny human rolling over for the first time, sitting up on his own, eating from a spoon, pulling himself up to stand.
but, it’s the tiny moments I’m savouring… his wee dimpled hand resting gently on my breast as he nurses. the soft whisper of his breath against my neck as he sleeps on my shoulder. his sweet darling voice “singing” as he falls asleep. His giggle. His smile. His sparkly eyes.
his adorably tiny teeth. his precious, round belly. his chunky little legs.
his perfect mouth. his tiny nose. his elven ears.
the swirl of his hair… tiny curls and gentle waves. his mile-long eyelashes.
perfect baby frame snuggled close to me .
kissing the top of his head, and the darling spot where his hair and neck meet.
listening from the other room as he and Daddy interact and have deep “conversations” with one another.
I love how very full of wonder he is, how he observes… everything.
I’m slowing down. to listen and observe. with him.
knowing that fate is wild… untamed.
instead of rushing through my days, numb and tired, I am stopping to breathe and absorb. to take it all in and appreciate.